As if driving across the country wasn’t enough… let’s do it in two days!

        If you ask me… driving across the country is already an exhausting trip. Sure it’s amazing being able to see the towering mountains, vast landscapes, and other breathtaking views BUT at some point, you decide its not so fun anymore… usually after the first few hours.

        So imagine… just try for a second… to fathom my complete disdain to find that my father intended for us to do the drive from my University in New York all the way to California in only two days…

“Hopeless. Absolutely miserable. No freaking way.” I believe were my exact thoughts…

I was wrong… But our road trip could probably be narrowed down to something a little like this…

7:10 pm Wednesday Night – Picks Dad up from the airport, car packed, dog situated, and on we go!

9:00 pm – I decided that I no longer wanted to be in the car… too soon?

9:20 ish pm – Crossing from NEW YORK into PENNSYLVANIA

2:45 am – We decided that Pennsylvania goes on forever… and that tolls suck because we had to pay $43.20 on a toll when the other half of the toll gave us NO ticket… conspiracy? We thought so too.

3:00 ish am – Crossing from PENNSYLVANIA into OHIO

4:00 am Thursday Morning – I took over driving so my dad could get a little bit of sleep… started blaring one of my EDM playlists because what other genre do you play at 4:00 am in the middle of Pennsylvania…

7:40 ish am – Crossing from OHIO into Indiana

7:45 am – We both decided that driving West SUCKS because the darkness kind of follows you and when driving overnight… daylight seems lightyears away! Dramatic? Give me a break we’d been in the car for twelve hours already!

8:20 ish am – Dad took over driving and we snagged Mcdonald’s hotcakes and OJ for breakfast.

8:33 am – Decided that Mcdonalds breakfast was a poor judgment call and took bets on how long it would take for us to have to find a rest stop!

9:20 ish am – Crossing from INDIANA into ILLINOIS

(And we lost an hour so all of the sudden its 8:00 am again)

11:50 ish am – Crossing from ILLINOIS into MISSOURI

12:36 pm – I am pretty sure we have gone through a full bag of pretzel thin chips… picked up queso… finished another bag of pretzel chips.

4:00 pm – I started to believe that in all honesty, we were never going to make it to our hotel in Oklahoma… EVER!

4:40 pm – Crossing from MISSOURI into OKLAHOMA

10:30 pm – We finally made it to our hotel in Elk City Oklahoma… and realized that our hotel doesn’t allow dogs.

10:35 pm – Snuck the dog inside up the back stairway because hotels don’t like dogs for some reason and jumped on the bed until we passed out!

6:30 am Friday Morning – Violet, my one-year-old Golden Retriever decided it was time to play and lost her tennis ball under my sheets… evidently waking me up as she ran throwing herself full force on top of me.

8:00 am – We realized that gas stations don’t sell postcards anymore… um, what?

8:14 am – Back on the road… still eating pretzels and queso when we pulled off to what seemed to be a sketchy outpost trading place so I could stubbornly search for a damn postcard!

8:40 am – We found postcards! And the sketchy outpost turned out to be Okie’s Trading Post, an adorable souvenir and novelty shop right off of the highway before crossing into Texas. Serves us right for judging on the first impression I guess…

9:00 ish am – Crossing from OKLAHOMA into TEXAS

(time switched to 8:00 ish I guess…)

10:20 am – My dad decided he wants to live in Texas… because ya know… Texas and stuff…

11:30 am – I decided to google what this novelty store was off of the side of the highway… turns out (in this shocking statistic that I just made up) 8 out of 10 “novelty shops” advertised on the highways across the country are actually just gigantic lingerie outlets and or x-rated toy shops… awkward.

11:35 am – Crossing from TEXAS into NEW MEXICO

4:50 pm – Crossing from NEW MEXICO into ARIZONA

5:00 pm – We started watching podcasts by a Psychologist by the name of Jordan Peterson on YouTube and didn’t stop… until we were about fifteen minutes from home.

11:10 ish pm – Crossing from ARIZONA into CALIFORNIA

(But then time switched again so it was 10:20 ish)

10:20 ish pm – California border patrol took one look at my car, assumed I had no threatening fruit, and waved us through… I mean have you ever seen a crime committed with an orange… me neither?

10:50 pm – I introduced my dad to a couple of the more strange subgenres of dark techno and hardstyle music and watched as he decided that most of it sound like some sort of alien language or tribal chant… interesting.

10:55 pm – I listened as my dad attempted to copy said alien languages and tribal chants! 

11:30 ish pm – We FINALLY reached my parents’ house in California and I decided I never wanted to get in a car again… THE END!

Ever had a crazy road trip experience of your own… share your weird or quirky road trip stories in the comments below!

Until next time my beautiful people,

Love, Me